Hello New Yorkers,
It's that time of year again...when everyone's id, ego and superego comes out in the form of costumes which (surprise!) provide tidbits of knowledge you never knew about your closest chums. That adorable, insanely intelligent chemistry buff who sits at the back of your class and only speaks when answering a question which stumps everyone else? He's dressing up as John McClane this year; Yippee Ki Yay M*****rs! And the impossibly alluring Gisele look-alike who works in the next cubicle? She might throw the office a curveball and be Jax Teller from "Sons of Anarchy". It truly is a spectacular holiday, because in our intensely judgmental and visually-oriented city, there are few times when one can truly throw on something outside realm of sanity and expect not to be followed by disapproving eyes. Try wearing sweatpants into the Hermes boutique on Madison, or scuffed heels into Soho's Chanel. Go on, I dare you! But Halloween is the great equalizer, when a creative and outlandish ensemble earns you unfettered grins, high fives, and major props. So go on, be your true geeky/cheeky/bundled up/dressed down honest-to-goodness self, because you've earned the right to express your inner character.
HOWEVER. There are some costumes which, women of America, I beg you please not to try. If only for the sake of the general reputation/representation of our gender to the outside world. And for fear of losing your girlfriends' respect. So bear in mind, the following are to be employed only as a lighthearted jest, and not actualized in the form of costumes.
1. Model Emily Ratajkowski in the “Blurred Lines” Music Video
As amusing as it would be to riff on this much-discussed video for Halloween, please reserve your topless-nude underpinning-platform sneaker combo to the comfort of your own home. Unless you feel like encouraging some of the anti-feminist behavior which Thicke may or may not be encouraging in the song.
2. Miley Cyrus in Like, Any Manifestation
I for one have seen enough of Miley’s tongue, Twerking, general lack of clothing, and bizarre antics for a lifetime. In addition, based upon recent public appearances, it seems as though this qualifies as another nearly clothing-optional costume idea. Girls of NYC—wear clothing on Halloween. It’s chilly outside.
3. Any of The Kardashians
I know you adore their I-don’t understand-how-life-works antics, but…been there done that. And I’m fairly sure the recent publicity stunt with Ben Flajnik takes them from bizarre to a downright, “Huh?” So this Halloween, allow the poor darlings some time for introspection and quiet, because I think they could use it.
4. Gwyneth Paltrow
I’m not sure quite what sparked the sudden animosity towards Ms. Gwen; was it overexposure in the press? Inclusion in People as the World’s Most Beautiful Woman? The unfortunate Vanity Fair incident? Who knows, but I’m willing to bet that this year, channeling the famous blond won’t gain you very many “Likes” from your gang.
5. A Playboy Bunny, VS Angel, or “Sexy” anything
I don’t believe I have to justify this further, but if you’d like to dress up in a bikini or decorated lingerie, perhaps just cop to it by saying, “I’m ME! But in less clothing than usual.” They say honesty is the best policy.
Cheers to finding a more creative and nuanced costume!
The Couture Conversationalist